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> But the Newtonian laws of physics indicate it will.

Pedantically: they indicate it can. The situation where the ball spontaneously starts rolling[1] at any specific moment in time, without any application of force or interaction with any other part of the system, are perfectly legal and well-defined by the laws of motion. They just can't be predicted determinically.

[1] FWIW it's not even a ball in this case, as the rotational mechanics of a sphere with non-zero moment of inertia would destroy the very carefully constructed function required for the potential energy field.



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